Summer Survival Rant

Soon, all our kids will be free for the summer.

Run! Run now, screaming in terror, for soon, there will be no hope for your sanity.

I don't care how much you love your children. I don't care how well-behaved you consider your children to be. Unless you are sending them to some unsuspecting relative, a full-term summer camp, or keeping them in a well-padlocked closet in a far wing of the manse, for the next 3 months or so, you will have to deal with them. I don't mean sometimes, parents, I mean, for the most part, full time! *shudder* So, say bye-bye to running errands in peace or timing appointments according to when little Billy's last class ends. It ends in less than a month and then he's all. yours.

Children are fun, aren't they? Of course they are. At least until they hit the age of 2 or so. Some remain cute until about 4, 4 and a half years old. Then they get a temper, start those really interesting tantrums, or become independent enough to get on your nerves. Also, there's the curse. You know the one. We all have at least one child who fulfills that curse our own parents laid upon us at some point during our own teen years. It was the curse that went something like, "I hope you have a kid who's just like YOU!" And we all did, didn't we? Dammit! Makes ya want to drive that kid right on over to gramma's house and drop them on the doorstep some days, doesn't it? It's especially tempting with the prospect of having to look at that little, amped-up, demonic version of your younger self for 3 straight months, isn't it?

Yes, kids are fun. They test our patience daily. They lie, they steal, they invent the most interesting excuses for things that happen around them. They ramble for hours (if we would let them, or if our ears didn't bleed) about the dullest things. They don't listen, and instead tend to head in exactly the opposite direction of where they are told to go in order to accomplish something we want them to do.

Some of you are out there, right now, saying, "Not my kids! They don't do those things." Liar! They do to! You just refuse to see it.

OK, OK. I will admit that there are kids that are well-behaved. I was one of them, believe it or not. It wasn't until I was over 16 that I started making my parents vomit on a regular basis. See, nay-sayers, what you are in for? It's justice, I say. You got to skip the hair-pulling for years. Just wait. It's coming.

For the rest of us, we beat our heads against the wall daily - right now! be it real or proverbial. It's mostly due to indecision, though. They frustrate us. We want to sell them to the next circus that passes by, and yet...and yet...we love the crazy-making little bastids. Thank all the gods, it's what keeps us from killing them.

I still think we need to rethink summer vacation. But, remember, when August rolls around and we all start to think that closet in the far room is looking like a mighty good prospect, they are only this age once. Yes, they might make a damn good elephant shit-sweeper for that circus, but they are also great for cuddling while you watch a movie, or for recording for later memories while they do something inordinately stoopid or adorable.

Take advantage of the time they are kids. Get out the camera. Grab 'em and hug 'em, even if they make that face when you do.

And remember...torture and embarrassment are the best forms of revenge!

This week's podcast is now up at stormcarver.com/wod.